How to Keep Yourself From Catching Feelings for Your Friend with Benefits

There are so many reasons why someone may decide that a friends with benefits type partnership is a good fit for them. Perhaps they’ve recently gotten out of a long term relationship and are simply not in the proper headspace to dedicate themselves to yet another committed relationship. Maybe they are still figuring out what they’re really looking for in terms of a significant other and are trying to explore a little bit and learn more about themselves and their sexual preferences.

A friend with benefits type partnership can offer many advantages if you go into it with the correct mindset. It is essentially a relationship with no strings attached, meaning you get to enjoy the sexual benefits of a real relationship but don’t have to commit to anything.

One of the most common reasons these types of partnerships turn ugly is because one person developed feelings but the other didn’t reciprocate them. Prior to ever even hooking up for the first time, you need to reflect upon what you really want moving forward and keep it honest with your partner.

“The most important thing to acknowledge is that you’re going into this looking for a physical partnership, not a romantic relationship.” Says Elon Stern, the Co-founder of Fwbdr, one popular FWB dating and NSA casual hook up app. Thus, it is important to ensure you don’t develop legitimate feelings for the other person. These are a few easy ways to avoid catching feelings and making things complicated.

Don’t Treat Your Friend with Benefits Like a Boyfriend

One of the biggest mistakes people make in this type of partnership is that they treat their friend with benefits like a boyfriend, after already agreeing that things were going to be non committal between you two. Don’t expect your friend with benefits to sit there while you vent about work or to help you move in your new apartment. While it’s great if that is something he offers to do, he is most likely just interested in pursuing your sexual connection, not your emotional connection. What does that mean? It means that you shouldn’t expect him to spend the night after a hookup or cook your breakfast in the morning. If these are the things you’re looking for, then you might not be looking for a friends with benefits type partnership, but rather a relationship. The key to avoiding complication or heartbreak is simply understanding what you want prior to entering one and keeping your communication with your partner as honest as possible.

Don’t Share All of Your Life with Your Significant Other

A lot of people think they are looking for a friends with benefits type partnership, but what they are really searching for is just someone to open up to. It’s important to realize that a friends with benefits style relationship isn’t focused on an emotional connection. It is focused on enjoying the sexual satisfaction of a relationship with no strings attached, all while still maintaining respect for one another. Thus, it’s important to not share too much with your friend with benefits.

When you share the intimate details of your life with another person, it is only natural to feel a connection with them and to find yourself growing closer to them. Heart to heart conversations like this are what foster deeper feelings and are what enable two people to go from being just friends to something much more.

As a result, it is important to be certain to not over share with your friend with benefits if you’re looking to avoid catching feelings for them.  

Don’t Invite Them on Dates

When you’re engaging in a friend with benefits type partnership, the majority of the time you’ll likely be meeting at one another’s homes or wherever your hookups tend to take place. In these types of partnerships, it is common for the other person to come over for a hookup and then immediately leave when you’re finished. Thus, don’t ask the other person to go on romantic dates with you beforehand, like fancy dinners or to a movie.

Remind yourself that you’re not trying to get to know the other person with the purpose of pursuing a relationship. You’re in it for the physical side of things only. Thus, don’t try to add romance to your hookups, as you’ll be running the risk of catching feelings for the other person and complicating things.

This doesn’t mean you can’t still have fun with your friend with benefits from time to time, just keep in mind what your true motivation for the partnership in the first place.